Superman Tells FOX News “I used more than super powers”

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Gasps around the world broke on Wednesday as famed and favored Superman broke news, not with the Daily Planet, but Nationally recognized FOX News station reporting his strong man persona was nothing more than a giant hoax. In a TV interview with FOX’s Megyn Kelly Superman admitted that there was a little more than natural power going into his bulky appeal.

“Well Megyn, I must say it hasn’t been an easy… or clean road to fame and hero status. I have fooled not only everyone I have saved, or who looks up to me, but I have made a fool of myself.”

It’s true. In fact Superman’s alias of Clark Kent has, on numerous occasions, openly admitted and down played any sign of performance enhancing drugs including quotes such as “I truly believe in my heart, and would bet my life that this substance has never entered my body.”. What a disappointment.

I caught up with some of Superman’s biggest foes in order to get a better feel for his strength. While talking to Parasite it was mentioned that “he seemed to get angry easier, and was quick to get there”. Lex Luthor was kind enough to mention “his face seemed to be rearing with acne, and his hairline was receding quickly. I found it quite comical. Then there was that time at the gym he and I both attend and he was getting in the shower… Let’s just say they ain’t what they used to be…”. I quickly ended the interview.

ImageBizarro had a little bit deeper mindset then I was prepared for as he told me “Yeah I noticed him getting bigger and bigger… which was weird because I wasn’t… So shamefully I began using PED’s to catch up and soon it showed that I was right back on track with him… coincidence… i think not”.

All the evidence was there, so Superman’s confession merely summed up what I already knew.

The sad thing his the lack of respect he now faces inside the industry. Batman, Flash, Green Lantern all have a huge disgust for Kent now, and want no part of any of his work from now on. 

Stunned and amazed, America saw a man… A hero… and a childhood idol fall hard to such a petty crime. Falsehoods, lies, cheats, and PED’s. the man didn’t stop bullets, and run faster than trains… the drugs within him did. Devastating. 

 

What would you do if this were real? Would you think differently of your beloved Superhero? What about the real men in the MLB who have dooped America into thinking their strength is real, their skill is worked for, and their payroll is earned? Baseball is beginning to become tainted with men who fool us into these very thoughts. It’s time to flush them out and return baseball back to it’s glory! 

 

Thoughts and comments are much appreciated! 

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